That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
