Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
