you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
don't judge my taste in strippers
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
