You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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