have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize