I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
