i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will be naked everywhere
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
