We won't sleep together?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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