I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
