This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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