Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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