i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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