nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
