you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
