what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
