Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
