apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize