Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
