accomplished twins. life is a go
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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