Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
