They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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