hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
