I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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