Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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