I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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