just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How naked do you want me to be?
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