At least make sure they are 18
Why
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
