even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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