I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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