On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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