I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize