Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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