I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
