There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
