'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
