Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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