hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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