Best friends brother. Beat that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
