When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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