also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
