we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
