if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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