I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
