My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
