So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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