Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
