Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
