dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He shit in the fireplace
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