i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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