mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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