i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
