Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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