Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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