I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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