broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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