Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I came so hard my ears popped.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
