Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
