she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
