doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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