I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
