I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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