He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
