Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
