god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
